Basic Instinct

So Sony is spamming me about the Blu-Ray HDef DVD THX1138 Unrated Unedited UnCola version of.

Sony Pictures - Basic Instinct 2:

I just have two things to say about that.

1. I don't want to see Sharon Stone's wrinkley old monkey. Please don't make me. I thought it was kinda gross the first time around.



2. I really, really don't want to see it in HiDef Blu Ray Blah Blah Blah.

Hillary Duff on a Bike

Ok, which is more dorky, Hillary Duff on an old Schwinn or me for caring enough to think they're news....come on, it's me, admit it.

Oh and check out the Vanilla Ice looking guy on the chrome lowrider. Yo, Home-slice, you stylin'!

Catch you at the skate park later.

But they told me it was the new style!

Yes, this is going to be the hot new fashion that everyone will be wearing next year. Yes, that's it, exactly.

She looks like she ransacked the various wardrobes from several of Darryl Hannah's movies. I think those tights were in Blade Runner and the head wrap thingy was in Splash.

Avril Lavigne got Hitched

MONTECITO, Calif. - Punk-pop princess
Avril Lavigne has married a fellow Canadian singer-songwriter, according to published reports. Lavigne married Deryck Whibley, the guitarist and front man for the band Sum 41, on Saturday, at a private estate near Santa Barbara, People

Avril Lavigne, that fakey little bitch, has gotten marrid to one of the dorks from Sum 41.


magazine reported on its Web site.

Here's a pic of her with her new boobs. I guess she bought them to look nice for her wedding day.

Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen. How long will this marriage last? I say 3 months...these two are really immature, and stupid. Although they're both Canadian so you have to take that into consideration...Canadians marriages usually last longer.

Ok, here's the update. I got wedding pics. Some dork wrote all over them.


GAH! I hate her way more than any normal person should. They should probably put me on some sort of medication because this much hate ain't healthy.

You might be a redneck...

If you have a belt buckle bigger than your head, you might be a redneck.

I think Jessica Biel is an Aggies fan.

Buzzzz....Buzzz....

Paris Hilton looks like a giant bug in these pics.

She also managed to keep all her private parts unexposed, so that's news.

Penelope Cruz Working Out

Yah, baby, feel the burn. Drink that Gatorade and then go hit the sauna, that will burn off those pounds.

Then do some cell phone crunches.

Rumor has it....

From popbitch:

Rumours coming out of LA suggest Brad Pitt and
Angelina Jolie are to have a trial separation
while he goes to film Ocean's Thirteen.

Just stop it, ok?! Seperating to make a sequel is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, plus, don't make the damn movie! Oceans 13? Is this going to be like Police Academy? They kept making those movies until a secret militia got together and had a little talk with Steve Gutenberg with a pair of pliers and a cigarette lighter.

Don't make us come after you, Brad.

Still No Sign of Tom's Baby

It's been 3 months and there is still no sign of Tom Cruise's baby.

This is weird. Ok, the parents are both in a religious cult. There are irregularities with the birth certificate. No one has see the child, even the nurse that signed off on the documents.

We're dealing with somethng Lovecraftian here, people.

I'm not saying the child doesn't exist, oh no. I'm saying that what we have here is the Anti-christ. The Scientologists, in co-operation with the reverse vampires, have genetically engineered the Anti-christ with the help of Jerry Fallwell, Pat Robertson and Montesanto Corp.

The baby probably has squid tentacles for arms and eats kittens.

Paris Who?

I'm sick of it. Paris Hilton shows her tits or monkey every day. It's not news. If she went a full day without lifting up her skirt and screaming, "Hey look at my peepee!" now that would be news.

Unless she's having sex live on CSPAN with Dick Cheney I don't want to hear about it.

Frankie Muniz and Friends

Someone needs a stepladder.

I hear your empire's down.

Mongolian wrestlers celebrating the 800th anniversary of the founding of the Mongol empire.

In all the movies and pictures I've seen I don't remember Geghiz or Kublai Khan dressing in little panties and boots.

Ever think that maybe that's why your empire fell? Kublai and all those guys wore leather and fur and conquered Poland and places. You dress up in pink and blue panties and wrestle with other men.

Breaking News: Matt Damon Has Bitch Tits

His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson.

Probably no one will get that.

Lindsay Lohan Naked!

She's going to put out a book "ironically" titled "Narcisstic".

You know, I think that's the first time I ever used the word "ironically" in an ironic manner. Or maybe I'm like Alanis Morrisette and just don't know what it means.

But, anyway,

Lindsay Lohan is to give the world a glimpse of the body which has helped her to become one of the big screen's hottest stars and an international player.

Well, it was a great body until it got all weird and freckly from too much sun, too many drugs and not enough food.

Shots of the star's body will form part of a book jokingly entitled Narcissist as part of an attempt to transform herself from a teen star to a glamorous movie icon.

Translation: it's actually a desperate plea for attention.

Twenty-year-old Lohan modestly said: "It's my body. And I like my body. And I like my breasts. And no, they're not fake."

You keep saying that. I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Before getting men's hopes up across the world, she's not going to strip off all her clothes but insists there is nothing wrong with "tasteful" photos.

Translation: bad lighting and out of focus, but in an artistic way.

"I think a woman's body is so much more sensual than a man's... there are certain photos I like people taking of me, where I'm comfortable.

Translation: I'm actually bi. And an exhibitionist.

"As long as it's tasteful. Why not?"

Translation: it's money, why not?


Makes you miss the 80's when all the starlets took off their clothes at they drop of a hat. Now it's all tease, tease, tease.

Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood at the 2006 MLB All-Star Game.

Check out those armbands. If this were 1979 she'd be stylin' and profilin'. She should have worn some keds sneakers and some red white and blue tube socks pulled up to her kneees.

Evan Longoria, not that pretty

I keep telling people this but no one believes me. She's very plain, just with a really good makeup guy. I tell you, if I had her makeup people I'd be a model.

Keira Knightley is a damn dirty hippie

Geez, girl, wear some shoes or wash your feet.

Are you audtioning for the part of someone who follows the Grateful Dead?



Also, please consider changing your name. It's too damn hard to spell. I'll call you KK from now on, ok?

From.

A site you need to be aware of....

Celebrities Eating....a site dedicated to just that, famous people eating. Shown here Nicole Richie enjoying a penis....uh...I mean corn dog.

Sorry about the slip there. Penis...heh...heh... an understanable one. I mean, really, which one is more likely at this point in Nicole's life? That she be snapped eating a penis or a corn dog? I mean, we can all see from the pics that she's really not keeping down a lot of food.

Or maybe she decided to take everyone's advice and finally eat something.

Now if only Lidsay Lohan would listen.

But, anyway, Celebrities Eating. A site for our time, for it has a statment to make. And that statement is, there just aren't enough pics of famous people eating junkfood on the internet, dammit!

A site you need to be aware of....

Celebrities Eating....a site dedicated to just that, famous people eating. Shown here Nicole Richie enjoying a penis....uh...I mean corn dog.

Sorry about the slip there. Penis...heh...heh... an understanable one. I mean, really, which one is more likely at this point in Nicole's life? That she be snapped eating a penis or a corn dog? I mean, we can all see from the pics that she's really not keeping down a lot of food.

Or maybe she decided to take everyone's advice and finally eat something.

Now if only Lidsay Lohan would listen.

But, anyway, Celebrities Eating. A site for our time, for it has a statment to make. And that statement is, there just aren't enough pics of famous people eating junkfood on the internet, dammit!

What's left of him?

Nick Lachey is pretending to be sad. Since we all know celebrities have no actual emotions. They just mimic them for better publicity.


Lachey announces `What's Left of Me' tour - Yahoo! News: "NEW YORK - Now that
Nick Lachey's new solo album is a hit, he's ready to go on the road. Lachey, 32, will tour this fall in support of 'What's Left of Me,' which debuted at No. 2 on Billboard's album chart in May and has sold more than 500,000 copies, Jive Records announced Monday."

So what's let of you, Nick, now that Jessica's left? Hmmmm....I don't know. Did you ever have anything to start with? I mean you can't actually sing. I don't see how anyone could find him attractive, he sort of looks like the guy that changes my tires. I mean, he doesn't have any of the cool jailhouse tatoos done with ballpoint ink like that guy does, but they have the same hair and build.

I hope you managed to save a little money, because that's about all that stands between you and next years "Surreal Life: Where are they now? Edition." You'll be put in a house with Screech, That guy Snow who did that "Informer" song and the oldest sister on Full House, Martin Sargent from TechTv and Jenni from Jennicam.

I mean, seriuosly, your career isn't looking so bright.