Tori's Daddy Hated Her

He had 300 million, but she's not even gettng 1 % of that.

Aaron's will leaves Tori, 33, "less than $1 million" in cash and
stocks, says the source. Because Tori was so close to her TV mogul
father, the source says, "it's disheartening to her."

I suppose she'll have to get a real job instead of pretending to be a tv star.

Leelee Sobieski Nip Slip

You have to look really close, but it's there. I zoomed in and cropped the image so you can see it better.

Also notice that the other chick is birddogging even though it's obviously very hot. She's turned on. It's probably Leelee's lover.

Lance Bass Comes Out

And the entire world says, as one, "Duh!".

You've also got stupid hair. When you gonna admit that?

It's in People.

Kids Show Host Fired For Having Opinions

I watch this show with my two-year old sometimes. First, let me say that Melanie is hot. Sure she's cute and seems to really like doing the kids show stuff, but any dad will look at her and wonder what she's like naked.

She was fired by PBS for once having done a tv skit.

One of the clips, called "Technical Virgin," is a funny (if not gut-busting) take on the idiocy of abstinence campaigns. In it, the fresh-faced Martinez announces seriously: "I've got big plans for my future: a good college, a career, maybe even my own business someday. But one thing I'm not planning on is getting pregnant. That's why I choose anal sex. I mean sure, it hurts a little, and I wind up walking funny for a day or two. But I think my future's worth it."

First, is there anything in that clip that's not true or bad advice for those who don't want to have children too soon? No, there's not. Sure she'd be better off having oral sex, since it doesn't hurt, but whatever cranks your tractor.

Let's start a PBS boycott until they hire Melanie back. I know there are a lot of you out there with kids. Let them watch Nickolodeon instead.

Natalie Portman is Pissed

Here are some pics of her fighting the paparazzi.



  

  

  

  

George Michael has horrible taste

George got caught having sex with this guy.

It's ok to be gay, man, but please pic someone better than that. Isn't there some cute philipino boy somewhere for you?

from the sun

Nothing ever happens

Somedays I read the gossip headlines and I have to clear my browser cache to make sure anything has actually changed. It's the same crap over and over.

Nothing happens during this part of the summer. Wars, wars happen now. That's about it. How do you make fun of a war? If I say the Hezbollah's ass looks fat then they'll blow me up. That's no fun, either.

Today's recycled headlines:

Keira says she's not anorexic. How many times have you said that this month? Imagine it was stink. Imagine everyone said you smelled like ass. Now, would you keep issuing statements saying you don't stink or take a shower? It's up to you, babe. Dying of anorexia is a good career move. You'll get your own made for tv movie out of it. You'll be as famous as Marilyn and lady Di. On the other hand you'll be dead. Maybe Elton John will write a song about you.

Nick Lachey gets on with his life.
He keeps saying that, but he doesn't seem to be actually doing anything. Since you're not doing anything come on over on my days off and well smoke a bowl together and listen to some Pink Floyd.

And yet more hints and allegations that Ryan Seacrest is gay. This time he's checking out Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth calls him on it.

Amy Acker's a slut

I used to have this little crush on Amy Acker when she was Fred on Angel (Fred on Angel, that sounds dirty).

I thought she was all innocent and cute. I was wrong. Look at these.

Danni Minogue

Here are some pics of Danni Minogue hanging out in a bar in Ibizia, Spain, because apparently that's what you do all the day when you're the sibling of someone famous and rich. I bet she's at the same bar with Billy Carter, Roger Clinton, Haley Duff and Ashlee Simpson. Jefferey Hendrix told stories about all the women his brother banged.

Jessica Simpson at the beach

Eeek! A Mouse!

"Duuuuhhhh...... Is someone looking at me over there?" She said. She looks like a cow with a wine buzz in this one.

I don't know what she was doing in this one. The way her teeth are sticking out and her arms flapping make me think she's pretending to be a flying beaver.

NZed's a bunch of prudes

Kim Catrall, who was sexy when I was a child...back during the roaring 20's...is too sexy for New Zealand TV.

"Why didn't you tell me it was so big, I just wasn't prepared for it?" she gushes. "The all-new Nissan Tiida makes you feel really, really, really good inside."

She tells a salesman: "Ah! That was amazing. Absolutely fabulous! I mean the great body and the way you moved it."

She was talking about a car. Not my penis. But she would say exactly the same thing if she saw my penis. Except she would also say, "Ow that hurt. It's just too big. I'll have to have my friends help out or I'll hurt my back."

This is Sag

Grandma? Is that you? Put on a sweater or something before you catch cold.

Kylie Minogue is Off Limits

I would say something mean about Kylie here, but she just recovered from cancer. If there's one thing I know, it's cancer is never funny.



But is it ok if I say her ass looks fat? Is it insensitive to make fun of her butt or do I have to wait for a full recovery?

I mean, what are the rules here?

The stuff I can't talk about

Some days the news is slow. And some days the things that happen I can't say anything about.

Like Dakota Fanning is going to be in a movie that will probably get people arrested for child porn.

All the dorks are at the comic-con.

Haley Joel Osment wrecked his car. The car is a 95 Saturn. What? Does he work at Arby's now?

Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas

Hey, look she managed to not piss in her pants for long enough to get on the cover of Cosmo.

And in one she even wears something that isn't completly whorish!

That's a mighty good filter on that camera. You can't even see all her nasty wrinkles from never sleeping and drinking all the time.

Everybody Run!

Willow has turned all evil again! Run or she'll rip off your skin!

Lisa Simpson Upskirt

I had no idea Lisa Simpson's ass was so hot.

What you don't see

Look very closely at the bag Jessica Simpson is carrying. See something blonde and fluffy in there? That's a clone of Jessica Simpson that didn't quite turn out right. It's like a fluffy mini-me. Jessica thought it was cute so now she keeps it as a pet.

Stern

It's Howard Stern and the woman he bought from Kazakastan to be his wife. They are both said to be very happy, mostly because the chick didn't die during shipping like the last one did. "It's really worth the extra money to pay for next day delivery." Howard said.

Bush Creeps Out German Chancellor Angela Merkel

First he spots his victim.



Then he makes his approach....he captures his prey!





His victim shudders with disgust. The touch of the monster's icy hands causes terror.


It takes all of her courage, but she makes a break for it!



She's frees herself! She lives to survive another day on the plains of the G-8 conference.