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Thursday, October 25, 2007

Monkey Wars

Catnip - WildLife

Some people say that robots will rise up and enslave man, other say it will be aliens, or even zombies.

I say it's going to be the monkeys.

Primates aren't really taking over the world ...are they? Documents released from Moscow show that in the 1920s, Joseph Stalin (here at the Wildcat we just call him "Joe") commissioned biologist Ilya Ivanov to create a race of half-man, half-ape soldiers called "humanzees." Stalin requested, "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat." Unfortunately, the experiment fell through before Ivanov could artificially inseminate any of the human females with ape sperm.

It's already started. New Delhi's mayor was killed by monkeys.

The band of monkeys attacked the deputy mayor at his home this past weekend, knocking him off a terrace and killing him. The monkeys were allegedly driven from the downtown areas into the suburbs after the Defense Ministry trained larger langur monkeys to attack the smaller macaque monkeys responsible for the attack.

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