Maxwell Hammer's shared items

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Lindsay Lohan goes to AA

Now if only her good friend Paris Hilton would go....

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Rowdy Roddy Piper has cancer

Don't worry, he said he'd kick ass and chew bubble gum, and he's all out of bubble gum. | "Rowdy" Roddy Piper diagnosed with lymphoma

J-Lo gets religion

She's turned to the hoodoo gurus Xenu worshipers of Scientology to help her get pregnant.

In other news Tom Cruise went to Charlton Heston to teach him how to not be gay.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dave Navarro buys condoms

Navarro: Hung Up on Safe Sex -

Britney shows all

First Brit showed a little she's showing it all. Her butt, her crotch...and with video.

Pretty Boring » Blog Archive » Color me Bad

Friday, November 24, 2006

S-Jo smokes, fights with neighbors

Scarlett is in a fight with her tight ass neighbors because she won't open a window in her apartment when she smokes.

They say it makes the hall smell.

I say she's in her own apartment, move if you don't like it.

Full story here.

Magaret Cho part of sex toy company

Margaret Cho has been named to the board of directors of the sex toy company, Good Vibrations.

For some reason the New York Post seems to think she's a lesbian.

As she once said, she's not bi, she's just a slut.

More pics of the tattoo.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

It's official

I hate fall out boy.

I kept trying to give them a chance, but they suck.

Black Friday, by Steely Dan

When black friday comes
Ill stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When black friday comes
Ill collect everything Im owed
And before my friends find out
Ill be on the road
When black friday falls you know its got to be
Dont let it fall on me
When black friday comes
Ill fly down to muswellbrook
Gonna strike all the big red words
From my little black book
Gonna do just what I please
Gonna wear no socks and shoes
With nothing to do but feed
All the kangaroos
When black friday comes Ill be on that hill
You know I will

When black friday comes
Im gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it til
I satisfy my soul
Gonna let the world pass by me
The archbishops gonna sanctify me
And if he dont come across
Im gonna let it roll
When black friday comes
Im gonna stake my claim
Ill guess Ill change my name

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The evolution never stops for Madonna

She's going to be on tv selling her children's book.

Madonna: Like a Pitchwoman - Yahoo! News: "The Queen of Pop turned children's author is scheduled to make her debut as a TV pitchwoman Friday, Saturday and Sunday on HSN, where she'll be promoting her latest kiddie book, The English Roses: Too Good to Be True."

One day she'll run for governor of California....or become a priest. It's really hard to say.

Tawny Kitaen also a dumbass

Kitaen charged with drug possession - Yahoo! News: "Deputies responding to a request for a welfare check in May found 15 grams of cocaine in Kitaen's San Juan Capistrano apartment, authorities said. They said her two children were home at the time, and Kitaen had given deputies permission for the search."

Hey, babe? Never give the cops permission to search. Make them get a warrant.

Hilary Duff, playing with herself

Looks like more than just a pose to me.

Lindsay Lohan to play Stevie Nicks in movie

Which one will end up in rehab first, you think?

Jack Black is a dumbass

Jack Black Regrets Turning Down Jennifer Love Hewitt - Starpulse News Blog: "Black says, 'Jennifer Love Hewitt once said to me, 'Let's hang out... go to my room.' I thought she meant her trailer; but she meant her hotel room. I didn't capitalize on it.'"

And what's really horrible is I've done the same thing. Not with Jennifer Love Hewitt....mine was actually prettier than her. Girls, you need to be more blunt with us dumbass guys.

The Real James Bond

Savage Chickens: Casino Royale Cartoon

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Paris Hilton before the plastic surgery

I don't think I have to say anything about this.

Awful Plastic Surgery: Teenage Paris Hilton

Britney's Free Sex Tape

Since K-Fed is talking about selling a sex video he made with Britney she's going to spite him and give it away for free.

E Canada Now - Breaking News » Britney Spears May Just “Give Away” Sex Tape: "Now Britney Spears says she may just “give away’ a copy of the sex tape the couple made on their honeymoon two years ago.

Sources close to Spears report she is “seriously thinking about” giving away a digitally re-mastered copy of the four-hour long sex video."

It's probably trash talk... but it would be cool is she gave it away. It's a whole new way of dealing with this sort of thing.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Possible death of Corky

Corky from Life Goes On has died...or so says. Christopher Burke was an actor with Down's Syndrome, who played a character with Down's Syndrome.

So far only imdb is carrying the news. So it could be wrong...but imdb is usually pretty good with the facts.

Update: Yesterday had his date of death listed as Nov. 10 of this year. Now it doesn't. I'm not sure if he's alive or dead and can't find out any more info. If you know of anything or have a link to an obit please leave a message in this thread.

Kramer pulls a Gibson

Except instead of going nuts and screaming about the Jews he goes insane and starts calling audience members "n*gger".

He told everyone there he didn't care what they thought and he was rich enough to have everyone arrested.

And then Paul Rodriguez...the washed up has been says, "Freedom of speech has it's limitations, and I think Michael Richards found those limitations."

Which is a load of crap. Even if you don't agree with what he says he has the right to say it. If you don't like it move to Iran.

Here's crappy video from cnn that might not work in your browser.

Let the betting begin on the TomKat divorce!

I say it lasts just over 6 months, not longer than 7. Anyone else care to bet on when they divorce?

'Never-ending kiss' caps TomKat wedding - Yahoo! News

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Something you should all remember

If you want to know what this site is about. If you want to know why I say mean things about the's something for you.

Fiona Apple said it best, and everyone laughed at her for it.

I think the problem is that she wasn't mean enough when she said it. Those kind of people only understand extremes.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Lindsay Lohan's a cutter

She's been cutting up her wrists. With that and some of the recent behavior we've seen I'd say she's probably got Borderline Personality Disorder.

Here are the pics of wounds on her wrists.

And also a pics of her kissing another chick. Looks like she's becoming a lesbian.

From The Superficial.

Don't forget....

Shanna Moakler, ex-wife of one of those guys from a corporate cheese-punk band...
Blink 382 or Sum 41 or whatever....

Anyway, Shanna was letting the paparrazzi at X17 take pics of her and they asked if she had anything to say to Paris Hilton and she said, "Tell her not to forget to taker her Valtrex".

Valtrex is a med for herpes.

Here's the video.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Kletus and Britney divorce moves to myspace

Brit removed K-fed from her myspace list after the divorce papers were filed. Kletus did the same several hours later.

I laughed because me and my ex did the same thing. Well, I removed her from mine, but I think I'm still on hers.

» Britney and Kevin Taking it to MySpace - The Real Juice That Celebrities Would Prefer Not To Spill! -

Liza Minelli's wife drinks zebra milk

The Sun Online - Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here: Gest: I want pint of zebra milk: "He said: “He was an absolute pain. Anyone would think he was world famous, not his wife. He made a string of bizarre requests. It culminated in him ringing the butler bell and demanding room service bring him a pint of fresh, chilled zebra milk.

“When he was told we only had cow, goat, sheep and soya he threw a screaming fit. He said we should ring London Zoo to see if they had any.”"

Viagra must not be doing it for him, because the stuff is used by impotent men to help them get it up.

S-Jo slams the prez again

It's no secret that Scarlett Johansson doesn't like president Bush. She just jumped on him again.

"We're supposed to be liberated in America but if our president had his way, we wouldn't be educated about sex at all.

"Every woman would have six children and we wouldn't be able to have abortions."

More at the Sun.


Sarah Michelle Gellar pets a pug. How cute.

Why did you turn down the Buffy tv movie, huh , bitch?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Alyssa Milano

Alyssa is supposed to be showing off her Charmed dvd set, but what she's actually showing off is her whale tail. Check out that exposed thong. Looks like Larry the Cable Guy's ass.

Reasons For Britney Spears' Divorce

Reasons For Britney Spears' Divorce " * Passionate fire flickered out during burping contest
* Writing team producing next album needed more material
* Federline kept eating last Zinger in freezer without replacing it
* Ran out of things to talk about
* Stud contract required Federline be returned to breeder after second successful siring
* Decision made by write-in vote for Kids' Choice Awards
* Federline's late nights at the office became too much of a strain
* Kevin was being all jerky and Britney was all like, 'Get out. Jeez!'


Kletus robs the buffet

K-fed went to a fancy restaurant, conned them out of a free meal, and then filled his pockets with food. He's like an old hobo they let into the Shoney's buffet.

KEVIN TAKES THE SPONGE ROAD - New York Post Online Edition: Seven: "'He just kept ordering more and more food and then asked for it to be put in containers so he could take the food out to the clubs with him. Then he started putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles and stuck them under his coat trying to sneak the liquor out with him. It was really unbelievable to watch. The guy obviously has enough money to buy a bottle of liquor on his own without trying to sneak it under his coat.' "

If you don't like Fergie then you hate God.

Why do you hate God? Why? God made the lovely lady lumps.

Junkiness » Blog Archive » Fergie is a Beautiful Gift From God: "“I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing,” the white hip-hopper told Vibe. “You can’t take that away from me, ‘cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like insulting God.”"

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Beyonce and Eva Longoria, lesbians?

They're doing a movie where they are playing lesbian lovers. They seem really excited about it.

Beyonce to star in lesbian flick with Eva Longoria - New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on "Eva, one of the stars of hit TV show Desperate Housewives, said: 'Yes it's true. We are talking about doing the movie together. It's such a wonderful novel, a beautiful love story.'

A source revealed: "They weren't at all coy about the sex scenes. In fact they both seemed to think it would be more fun than doing the same work with a man. It's going to be very hot.""

I don't think this is coincidence, they're bi.

Jimmy Buffett's a big jerk

He's trying to get a website shut down for selling his stuff. But he claims the real reason is that the site is overpriced. Which is a bunch of crap. A 50 percent markup is actually below average in retail. Plus, have you ever been to one of his Margaritaville restaurants? They charge about 15 bucks for a cheeseburger. Also, he charges about 60 dollars for concert tickets, and he has the nerve to say he's not in it for the money? Look here, he's charging 30 bucks, plus shipping for some ugly flip-flops.

Jimmy Buffett wants Web site shut down - Yahoo! News: "'Many of these products are ones (Akard is) not even authorized to sell, but primarily, the problem is that, in some cases, the markup on items is as high as 50 percent,' lawyer Anthony Buzbee said. 'Jimmy Buffett's not in business to make money, certainly not anymore, and he doesn't appreciate what this guy's been doing.'"

Bush daughter is a committed drinker

The Prez's daughter was spotted at the Yale-Princeton game with a drink sticking out of her ass. Showing she's a chip off the old block, ain't she? She'll probably be president one day. And on that day, we'll still be fighting in Iraq. From Ivy-gate.

Kletus maybe not so dumb after all

Well, I thought K-fed would end up living in a van, down by the river, but it turns out he's more cunning than I thought. I thought he was like a possum, but it looks like he may be more like a ferret.

K-fed says that if he don't get the money he wants from her then he will release a sex tape starring himself and Britney.

Of course, she's got the really good lawyers. So I don't his ploy will work. Also, she could probably just have him killed if she wants. She is from Louisiana.

What's really bizarre is that a friend of theirs is also claiming they played chess. I bet he was always trying to jump her queen.

The Sun Online - Bizarre online: Britney and Kev sex tape shock

Borat Make Glorious Gypsies Famous!

BREITBART.COM - Now Romanians Say 'Borat' Misled Them: "The name of this remote Romanian village means 'mud,' and that's exactly what angry locals are throwing at comedian Sacha Baron Cohen.

Cohen used Glod's Gypsies as stand-ins for Kazakhs in his runaway hit movie, 'Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.' Now offended villagers are threatening to sue the film's producers for paying them a pittance to put farm animals in their homes and perform other crude antics.

Not everyone in Glod is upset. Sorina Luca, 25, excitedly described how she was given $3.30 to bring a pig into her home and let the producers put a toy rifle into the hands of her 5-year-old daughter for one scene.

"I really liked it," she said. "We are poor and miserable. Nothing ever happens here."

At least one of them is telling the truth. No one would have even known it was Romania if you hadn't said anything. Everyone thought you were actors and the scenes were shot in England or someplace.

Tara Reid better watch out

'C-List Celebrity Killer' Leaves Police Enthusiastically Guessing Who's Next | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "LOS ANGELES—Following Thursday's gruesome discovery of the remains of former Blossom star Joey Lawrence, law enforcement officials are feverishly speculating on the identity of the next victim of the so-called 'C-list Celebrity Killer.'"

Monday, November 13, 2006

Bizzaro Scientologist Wedding Vows

Here are some of the vows that might be in Tom Cruise's wedding.

For Mrs. Cruise, Perhaps a Cat - New York Times: "“Now, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them.”

And Ms. Holmes could be told: “Hear well, sweet Katie, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.”

“keep her, well or ill,” he is also asked, “And when she’s older, do you then keep her still?”

“Know that life is stark and often somewhat grim, and tiredness and fret and pain and sickness do beget a state of mind where spring romance is far away and dead.”

She is then asked if she is willing to “create still his health, his purpose and repose.”

Similarly the bridegroom is told, “The tides of fortune and of life are sometimes fair or grim.” He should not leave his wife in search of solutions, and the minister says, “Take thy own even though they sleep beneath foul straw and eat thin bread and walk on pavement less than kind.”


Lindsay loves and hates Paris

I guess this should be on VH1's Celebrity Beefs. Here's video of Lindsay calling Paris a c*nt and then saying she loves her. Maybe she's confused. Maybe Lindsay loves c*nt. I don't know. Watch it for yourself.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Michelle Trachtenberg's Butt

I think she's cute.

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Your so'd wear a bra on your face

The newest trend among the vain and ungracefully aging celeb is the face bra.

The girl for me

According to this site, Reese Witherspoon is the one for me. Whooohoooo! I lucked out, because she just split up with her husband.

Just enter some info about yourself and you'll find out what celeb is the right one for you.

Yao Ming, the Maxi Pad

The Chinese giant and basketball player is now a feminine hygiene product.

Fans in uproar over Yao Ming sanitary pad deal - Yahoo! News: "BEIJING (AFP) - A Chinese businessman has triggered outrage over his plan to register the name of China's most famous basketball player, Yao Ming, as a trademark for a women's sanitary napkin."

Just roll with it man. Ask for an endorsement deal.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Are you lonley and desperate? You might end up dating Jessica Simpson

Apparently Jessica has been trolling web dating sites looking for a man. So go get yourself an account on and she may end up with you.

But she's so dumb she accidentally hired a male prostitute to take her out.

Jessica Simpson accidentally hired a 'professional hooker' | - Showbiz & Slap Dash: "The 'Dukes of Hazard' actress, the ex-wife of Nick Lachey, has been scouring internet dating sites to find a man ever since she split from singer John Mayer.

However, the blonde star was left red-faced after she unknowingly arranged a meeting with a 'professional hooker'."

Fran Drescher shoots the bird

My Cat

Stories from the Popbitch

Every week the Popbitch sends out an email full of secret celeb info. Most of it is geared to a UK audience, so I haven't even heard of most of these people. But I take the stuff I think is interesting and put it up here. You can sign up for her email here.

"A couple of years ago I was sitting in the Kodak
Theatre with my acceptance speech in my pocket,
waiting to get up and say that I was the first
openly gay actor to win an Oscar. Unfortunately,
that was the year the blacks won." - Ian McKellen

Kanye West got in a huff at the MTV EMA
awards because he didn't win Video of the Year.
Kanya stormed on to the stage when winners
Justice v Simian were being lauded shouting
that he should have won because his video
"cost a million dollars". "If I don't win, the
awards show loses credibility," he concluded.

Andy Taylor left Duran Duran last week.
Musical differences - he didn't want to
collaborate with Justin Timberlake -
was definitely part of it. Plus he was
somewhat under-whelmed that these days
Duran Duran was just Nick, Simon and John.
He and Roger were just employees. But Andy
wasn't the only person to walk out on the
band last week. Their web-mistress was so
upset that Andy left that she quit on the same
day, replacing the home page with a new message,
written in huge red letters, which had
Duran fans laughing all day long:

"Duran Duran Without Andy Taylor is Like
Anal Sex Without Lube."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

K-fed Dumped on video

Here's the video that shows K-fed getting dumped by text message. He's so pathetic he's having to give away tickets to his shows for free. One day soon we'll find out he's living in a box and spending all his money on Maddog 20/20. I'm almost feeling sorry for the guy. Except everyone in the world tried to warn him about what was going to happen.

The Superficial claims to have Britney Spears sex tape.

Thanks, to WoW for the links.

The shopping bag bra

This is the new trend in Japan. A bra that converts into a shopping bag. So when the grocery store runs out you can put your melons in something soft and silky. Of course you'll have to take it off your other melons to do it.

Lingerie maker Triumph International Japan's 'No More Plastics Bags Bra', a bra which converts into a shopping bag, is shown at the company showroom in Tokyo November 8, 2006. The bra was created to raise awareness among customers to reduce the usage of plastics bags for the good of the environment, the company said. REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao (JAPAN)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, free at last

Britney has dumped Kletus. I think I'm going to send her a card or some roses or something.

Spears Files for Divorce From Federline - "LOS ANGELES -- Britney Spears filed for divorced Tuesday from Kevin Federline, officials said. The Los Angeles County Superior Court filing cites 'irreconcible differences,' said court spokeswoman Kathy Roberts."

Friday, November 03, 2006

Doogie Hawser is Gay!

It's been confirmed, apparently. He admits it.

News Article: "In an interview with People magazine Friday, the How I Met Your Mother star happily confirmed that he is gay, just two days after his rep issued a release saying the actor is 'not of that persuasion.'

Publicist Craig Schneider's probably well-intentioned yet misinformed statement came in response to a news brief reporting that Harris had helped his 'longtime sweetheart,' actor David Burtka, land a role on his hit CBS sitcom. "

There should be a Gay Day when everyone can come out at once. There could be awards for the best coming out party. It should be on May Day, so they could all dance around the Maypole.

Joan Rivers could host it.

Tell me what you see

There's a little triangle in this pic of Scarlett Johansson. Can you see it? Sorry I'm all crazy about S-Jo, lately.

Sweet Child O Mine

ABC News: Axl Rose as Voice of a Generation?: "Its lyrics tell of an escapist teen love. I imagine the song's subject, 'Sweet Child,' wearing ripped jeans and several Cyndi Lauper bracelets, our narrator picking her up in the back of the trailer park in his green Impala, and they cruise to Makeout Point."

This is just whacky enough to hit home.
Because, like, wow, that sounds familiar. I had a green 68 Impala.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Michelle Trachtenberg as Snow White

Here's Buffy's little sis, Michelle Trachtenberg dressed up as Snow White and posing with a skinny, slutty, redheaded vampire fairy.

S-Jo in Allure

You can almost see the delicious golden boobies.

Perez Hilton to get his ass sued off

Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online: "First, photo-lifting vanity blogger Perez Hilton got called out on the red carpet by a FilmMagic paparazzo, who accused him of swiping a pic, which appeared to involve a Tommy Lee man-kiss. Now, X17, one of the most popular celebrity photo agencies in the game, has Perez in its sights."

I hope it don't happen to me, but for the most part I give credit where it's due. Also, I'm a professional smartass, so I don't really need the pics, words are my weapon of choice.

Plus, I think I can get a fair use exemption if I have to.

For any lawyer that happens to be reading this, I'm a dues paying member of the EFF. So you can come after me, but I won't go down without a fight.

Odds and ends from Popbitch

I don't know if these are true or not, but here they are.

"Batty man does not mean gay. A batty man is
a man that like to have sex through the rear;
he isn't gay." Beanie Man

Abbie Cornish is the Australian actress
linked to the separation of Ryan Phillippe
and Reese Witherspoon. Some of Abbie's past
co-stars aren't that surprised. The blonde
likes to get close to the important people on
set. In The Golden Age, which she has recently
filmed, Abby seemed to spend much of her time
cosying up to the Director, Shekhar Kapur.

A recent conquest of Entourage's Jeremy Piven
says that, alas, TV's Mr 10% is, in reality,
still Mr 10%. She says unfortunately it
"was not even fun size."

(I wonder what Lindsay Lohan thought about that? She's been with him. )

Bonanza's Lorne Greene had one of his nipples
bitten off by an alligator.

Paris Hilton has been staying at the Chicago
Peninsula Hotel under the name Ms Heimen.

P Diddy has been staying in a Paris hotel under
the name Frank Black. ( So does that mean he's a Pixies fan?)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mariah Carey as a Mermaid

Mariah dressed as a mermaid for Halloween. It also looks like she drew her abs back on with makeup again. I think she's figured out she has to use less paint to make it look real.

In a couple of these it looks like she's forming an all girl version of the Village People. There's the Indian, and the Lara Croft. I don't see the policeman or the Leather Queen.

From Drunken Stepfather (NSFW).


Zombie Xtina

Christina Aguilera went to a Halloween party as a zombie bride.