Maxwell Hammer's shared items

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Timberlake is a big wuss

First he says mean stuff about Taylor Hicks. Then, when it gets in the press, he claims he never said it.

Timberlake not impressed by 'Idol' Hicks - Yahoo! News: "'He has tremendous affection for Taylor Hicks' success,' Sunshine told The Associated Press on Thursday. 'He would never say anything that personal about somebody he's never met. He only wishes him the best.'"



So is this all the best, Justin? "The guy who won — people think he looks so normal, and he's so sweet, and he's so earnest, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket."

Plus you implied that he's gay.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dorky Country Star Can't Even Shoot His Own Ber

St. Paul Pioneer Press | 08/15/2006 | Country star charged with killing tame bear: "Country singer Troy Lee Gentry appeared today in federal court in connection with the killing of a tame black bear that federal officials say he bought, shot in an enclosed pen, tagged as if the animal had been killed in the wild, then arranged for the doctoring of a videotape of the alleged 'wild' kill."



He's a wuss. A real country music star can kill and eat a bear. Just ask Shania Twain.

Are you aware of Jessica Simpson's Breasts?

Celebrity Launches Own-Breasts Awareness Campaign | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "LOS ANGELES—Amid growing personal concern that the subjects are not receiving enough national attention, singer–actress Jessica Simpson announced the launch Monday of an ambitious, multimillion-dollar campaign promoting awareness of her breasts.
Enlarge ImageCelebrity Launches R

Simpson draws attention to her cause at a recent gala event in Washington, D.C.

'Each year, millions of lives could be affected by my breasts,' said Simpson at a press conference in Los Angeles. 'People of all ages, colors, and creeds are susceptible to them. Now it's just a matter of getting them out there for everyone to see. It's time Americans truly recognized the full size and scope of this devastating rack.'"

Mel Gibson Excuses

10. "Did I say 'Jews'? I meant Scientologists"

9. "Food poisoning from a bad knish"

8. "Uhh, hello? I'm famous"

7. "Shouldn't have been drinking with Hasselhoff"

6. "Any press is good press"

5. "I refer all questions to my Jew attorney"

4. "Tired of Britney Spears getting all the 'crazy celebrity' attention"

3. "Oh like you've never gotten drunk and accidentally said, 'Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world'?"

2. "Researching upcoming role as insane washed-up movie star"

1. "Hoping to be named People Magazine's 'Sexiest Anti-Semite Alive'"

David Copperfield Claims to have found fountain of youth

So have I! But only for the ladies. First come to my house, get naked, open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!


David Copperfield says he's found Fountain of Youth - Yahoo! News: "'I've discovered a true phenomenon,' he told Reuters in a telephone interview. 'You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. ... Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they'll fly away. It's an amazing thing, very, very exciting.'"

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

This is why I don't go to the movies

I never watch anything until it's out on dvd. Here are some reasons why...and I won't be watching them on dvd, either.

They're making Ace Ventura Jr. and Young Magneto, and maybe, Star Trek 9.

Only white people can be heros

The World Trade Center movie, which I have no desire to see, changed all the main characters from black to white.

“Frankly, we goofed--we learned when we were filming that he was an African-American,” said Shamberg. “We would change it if we could. I actually called him and apologized, and he said he didn’t mind. He was very gracious about it.”

Shamberg also apologized for another African-American officer, Bruce Reynolds, who was also portrayed as white in the movie.


That's more like it











If you got ugly feet, then cover them up. Jessica seems to have learned. But she still needs to comb her hair.

I love that dress. Take a look at the pic from the back angle. She's got a great butt.

These are from the premiere of The Illusionist.

Nicole Richey Eating!


She sure eats a lot for someone who never seems to gain any weight.

Maybe she's got a giant tapeworm.

Star Jones Fired

Star Jones sucks so much that she can't even sell cheap shoes.

Bad news seems to follow embattled television personality Star Jones recently. Since her View debacle, the talk show host has also been dropped as the Spokesperson for Payless Shoe's. "There will be no more 'face' of Payless," a company source told the New York Post. "Star was the last."


Maybe she can get a job selling Church's fried chicken or something.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I wish I had thought of this

TSA: Where We Stand: "NO SNAKES OF ANY KIND WILL BE PERMITTED ON A PLANE. SNAKES ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED IN CHECKED BAGGAGE. This includes all pythons, boas, rattlesnakes, vipers, mambas, adders, and other known species of snakes."

Tom Cruise is a Superhero!

He's Secret Gay Man!

To be sure, Cruise has had plenty of opportunities to hone his good Samaritan skills over the years.

* In 1998, he rushed to the defense of a woman being mugged on a London street and stopped thieves from making off with more than $150,000 in jewelry.
* In 1996, he summoned an ambulance to help an aspiring actress who was the victim of a hit-and-run, then paid her $7,000 emergency room bill.
* That same year, while sailing a yacht in the Mediterranean, Cruise spotted French paper tycoon Jacques Lejeune, his family and several crew members bobbing in a life raft after their own boat caught fire. The actor pulled the group aboard and delivered them to shore.
* Also that same year, Cruise reportedly pulled two young boys to safety after they were almost crushed in a mob at the London premiere of Mission: Impossible.


Ok, so he's done some good things. So did Napoleon.

This makes me feel bad for hating him, but it doesn't make me hate him any less. Any psychiatrists in the audience want to explain that emotion to me?

Since Tom's a superhero I guess that makes me a supervillan. I'm Smartass Man! I come equipped with the weapons of sarcasm and a blog!

You're not really a superhero until you've got an arch-enemy. Guess I'm in the big leagues now.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Jessica Biel at some premiere



Who care's which premiere, I wasn't invited so frak 'em.

The problem with these ultra high quality pics is that you can see too much. Like her feet. Jessica has ugly toes, she needs a manicure if she's going to wear those sandals. Also, it looks like the straps are cutting off her circulation.

And I know the messy hair is the style now, but can't these people use a comb? Le sigh. I miss the 80's when people actually seemed to care about their hair.

Man, she's got shoulders like a football player, don't she?

Oh, and and by criticizing I'm not saying I wouldn't have sex with her. Of course I would. But my standards are very low...a lot lower than that. Fat girls need love too. I'm the guy that leaves the bar with 2 or 3 of the ugliest chicks there. All my friends tell me not to leave with them, that they look like they'll kill me and eat me. But so far that's never happend. I have been bitten a few times, though. I was also stabbed by a stripper once, too. Good times, good times.

Keep on rockin' in the (not so) free world

Egypt has a heavy metal scene.

Egypt's heavy metal scene emerging - Yahoo! News: "CAIRO, Egypt - The music was loud and the tattooed fans were wild, dancing and swaying in flashing strobe lights to the crashing sounds of heavy metal songs. Suddenly, the music stopped. The band leader grasped the mike and announced: 'It's prayer time.'


No one left to pray. Everyone stood by the stage and waited, as the band paused its music while a nearby mosque began the call to prayer from a loudspeaker. Then the music resumed."


The prayer time bit sort of reminded me of when we used to have rock bands at Baptits(1) youth meetings. Except they would have made us actually pray.

In other news Sebastian Bach, Lita Ford and Quiet Riot announced a tour of the Middle East, as soon as Lita and Sebastian find a burka that fits.

(1)Started out as a typo, then I decided I liked it. From now on all Baptists will be called Baptits.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Becks invited to see Suri Cruise

Is there any wonder that I hate him so?


Victoria Beckham's Suri invite - Showbiz News - Life Style Extra: "A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: 'David and Victoria are honoured that Tom and Katie have asked them along.

'However they were a little shocked by the list of rules they'll have to follow.

'Apparently they can't take any photographic equipment, they're banned from touching Suri and they're not allowed to do any baby-talk around her."


Yeah, come see our baby, but don't get your cooties on it! And don't talk to it either, we don't want our precious little mutant to pick up any of that London gutter trash you speak. Little Suri's first words might be some of that slang you chav scum talk.

Hillary's Boobs


This is something I never thought, or wanted, to see.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A "Presidential Bust" of U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton was unveiled on Wednesday at New York's Museum of Sex, where sculptor Daniel Edwards hopes it will spark discussion about sex, politics and celebrity.

Edwards, the artist who also created a life-size nude of Britney Spears giving birth on a bear-skin rug, said he wanted to capture Clinton's age and femininity in the sculpture.


If you really wanted to capture her age shouldn't the boobs be more droopy? I get the feeling this guy has never really seen boobies.

Mr. and Mrs. Navarro no more

I'm trying to think of why I care about this....oh, wait, I don't. Well I liked his cd Rexall.

My Way News - Electra Files for Divorce From Navarro


Her real name is Tara Patrick? Isn't that a porn star? That's like something you'd change your name to, not from.

We're number one! We're number one!

If you search for "Famous actresses who like foreskins." on google, without the quotes, then this site is the number one result!

Famous actresses who like foreskins. - Google Search


Good job everyone! You've made all my dreams come true.

That was sarcasm.

This has to stop

As if Flavor of Love wasn't enough. I mean, isn't that basically an audition for who get's to have sex with Flava Flav?

But now they're having auditons for Flavorette of Love.

If you are a single man between the ages of 21-35, open to dating all
ethnicities and think you can put up with a top shelf Diva, then we want
to hear from you. If you have what it takes to stick out of a crowd of
other competing men, then we want to hear from you. If you are just
looking for love and are sick of being single then we want to hear from
you. Are you up to the challenge? Send us a pic, short bio and contact
info.

Auditions will be held in the following cities:
NY/LA/Houston/Atlanta/Chicago/St. Louis/Baltimore/DC


So if you're desperate and stupid...and a good looking male who can provide a lot of drama on tv, then you can sign up here.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Updates and crap....just crap

World War Three getting you down? Just ignore it and zone out with celeb gossip.

Jeez...I'll probably go to hell for peddling this crap. Whatever. At least I'll know people there.

Jared Leto and Lindsay Lohan broke up because of the paparazzi...actually I heard it was because she was bogarting all his coke.

Puffy Daddy or Piddly or Pugsley or whatever his name is claims to be the king of sexy. He may sue Justin Timberlake.


Malaysia has accused the Pussycat Dolls of performing sexually suggestive dances on stage. Well, duh. Then they accused water of being wet.


From the "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" file, the idiots in Hollywood are remaking "Working Girl" and have offered the main role to Jessica Simpson.