Still No Sign of Tom's Baby

It's been 3 months and there is still no sign of Tom Cruise's baby.

This is weird. Ok, the parents are both in a religious cult. There are irregularities with the birth certificate. No one has see the child, even the nurse that signed off on the documents.

We're dealing with somethng Lovecraftian here, people.

I'm not saying the child doesn't exist, oh no. I'm saying that what we have here is the Anti-christ. The Scientologists, in co-operation with the reverse vampires, have genetically engineered the Anti-christ with the help of Jerry Fallwell, Pat Robertson and Montesanto Corp.

The baby probably has squid tentacles for arms and eats kittens.